"Britney is like this Tennessee Williams tragic figure. The fatter she gets, the weirder she gets, the more I love her. I found her moderately appealing in the late 90s, but now I would marry her in a heartbeat."

Says Moby, in a recent issue The Sun of his unlikely (but somehow, likely) crush.

Tennessee Williams, by the way, was a gay twentieth century playwright from the American south who had an abusive father, a controlling mother, and a schizophrenic sister. Tennessee suffered from temporary paralysis, self-loathing, alcoholism, amphetamine addiction, and died randomly by choking on an eyedrop bottlecap.

So basically, he was a pretty lucky guy.

I can totally see where Moby was going with his comparison... Southern roots/"country", check. Controlling mother, check. Amphetamine addiction, check. Hates himself, check. Family history of mental illness, check. Gay tendencies, check. Alcoholism, hmm...

Check.

Moby does have a point - Brit Brit certainly has more complexity than anyone woulda given her credit for back in the "Baby one more Time" days!

But is he infatuated enough to help the popwreck resuscitate her career and life??

After six years of boring, steady dating, Beyonce and Jay-Z are supposedly tying the knot. Finally. The musical pair were legally wed yesterday after taking out a marriage license in upstate New York. An eye witness tells People:

"It was just the two of them. They were very polite and smiling as they filled out the paperwork. They were holding hands for a while. They looked really happy."

No word yet on an actual marriage proposal or an elaborate white wedding, which has to occur within the next 60 days for the marriage to be legit.

The lack of planning seems odd, given the buckload of money Bonnie and Clyde have to spend on this shiz.

Which got me thinking ... yesterday was April Fool's Day, people.

Could this be Beyonce's and Jay-Z's way of getting back at the media for all the false engagement and split rumors???